intosnarkness:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember that one time i had to fly with my cello so we bought it a seat

and it got upgraded to first class

without me

whrred:

[gently and kindly reminding you that someday someone is going to look at you and finally understand every sappy love song they’ve ever heard]

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mad-hattress:

ghdos:

whovian-all-over:

4gifs:

Mattress Jousting

FLIPPING SHIT I WANT TO DO THIS SO BAD

I swear white people will come up the most random games to play and it’ll look fun as fuck.

Are we going to ignore how graceful his front flip was?

naomicampbelle:

when your parents try to give you fashion adviceimage

  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
  • Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
  • Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
  • Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
  • Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
  • Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
  • Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
  • Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
  • Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
  • Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
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internetexplwhorer:

THIS IS SO SATISFYING I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT EDITED LIKE THIS

burberrybushbaby:

how the fuck am i supposed to make life decisions i’m not even sure i want to be alive

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betterwhenaked:

this is literally the best pick up line on a tshirt i’ve ever seen
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exhplosion:

Pale Death
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exhplosion:

toxicidal:

☽☯☾dark paradise☽☯☾


insta ~ zakgarrick